The government has today announced plans to implement a tax on farting in a bid to meet tough new EU regulations on nitrogen gas emissions.
The passing of wind will be monitered by a patch inserted into the persons underwear. The patch discolours when wind is passed changing from green through to red, depending on how much gas is passed over the week, the patch is then returned to the department of internal affairs who scan the patch and issue an invoice according to the amount of gas passed. The average male is expected to be £70 worse off over the year with the average female coming in at around £55 Anyone not returning their patch will be automatically fined £100
Ridiculous? of course it is and yes I made it all up, but then the thought of a 'pay as you throw' bin tax would have been dismissed as ridiculous just a few years ago.
The 'pay as you throw' tax will cost the average family between £35 and £100 per year so in theory should make your council tax cheaper, but no it will apparently cost a fortune to implement and administer meaning... you guessed it - higher council taxes too! Why? two reasons firstly, the EU will fine us huge amounts of money if we do not meet their stringent targets on recycling. We cannot do this because the system that we have in place cannot cope with the strain imposed on it by the hundreds of thousands of migrants which according to local councils do not officially exist. You need to look no further than the South East which is now more overcrowded per sq metre than many third world countries.
Typical Britain - Put Up, Shut Up and Pay up!!
